You must be over the age of 21 to continue onward due to graphic pictures, language, and references to alcohol (hence the name "Drunk Bastards"), in addition to sexual content of a non-pornographic nature. This site DEFINITELY isn't for kids. Of course, if you were really concerned about your child's fragile little mind being warped by the internet, you wouldn't even OWN A COMPUTER. But that's besides the point. If you see anything here that offends you, click that little X in the top right corner of your browser and say an "Our Father."
No names have been changed to protect the innocent, since God Almighty protects the innocent as a matter of Heavenly routine (yes, I just ripped off Kurt Vonnegut). The opinions presented and disseminated within this website are fully those of the webmaster alone, and he could not give a half a fuck if you don't like it. The world's not fair, kiddo, get used to it. I honestly don't give a rat's hairy beanbag if you're offended by anything I've written. I'm not here to make people happy and gushy about their pathetic, pedantic, callow lives. I tell the truth. Don't come here if you're just looking for shit on someone I know. This means the ex-girlfriends of my friends, mainly. Get on with your damn lives, already, stop wallowing in the past. And if you are someone I know and I write something you don't particularly like, say, um, SOMETHING ABOUT YOU, well, you should stop and think for a minute that maybe, just MAYBE, I'm right. And if you still think I'm wrong, well, reality is subjective.
This site is optimized for 1024x768 screen resolution. If your monitor does not support 1024x768, might I suggest buying a real monitor. You're probably still using a 13-inch green-screen that you've had since the Apple IIe was popular, don't you? And if you're the kind of person that owns a 19 inch monitor and still looks at everything at 800x600 like my brother, try adjusting the size and see the world that you've been missing. Or go to a fucking eye doctor and get contacts, or glasses, or Lasik. They can fix that bad eyesight now, you know. This site is best viewed using Internet Explorer. Unless you have Windows XP, Me, 2000, NT, 98, 95, or 3.1, in which case it is better viewed (instead of using Internet Explorer) by placing your head into the toilet, shoving a phone plug up your ass, and taking a big, deep breath while singing "Deep In The Heart Of Texas" as loud as you can. In Yiddish. Hey, it's better than shoving your head up Bill Gates' ass, which is exactly what you do every time you go and use IE because it came with the computer and you're too lazy to download Netscape. Actually, this site is best viewed when you're drunk off your ass, because ANYTHING is funnier when you're piss-drunk.
AOL users should click... well, anywhere, and when you do, think to yourself... "why am I paying $22 a month for the same shit I can get for half that from someone who won't allow my kids - or my wife - to see twenty porn e-mails a day? What the FUCK am I wasting my money on? I mean, are the NAMBLA chat rooms REALLY worth it?"
This site is maintained by some guy who needs a life and is protected by various provisions of Title 18 of the U.S. Code. Violations of Title 18 are subject to criminal prosecution in a federal court. And if anyone can tell me what Title 18 says, that would be great, because I'm too lazy to look it up. This site is also protected by the Guacamole Act of 1917, The Mann Act, and Act III of Julius Caesar.
Submitted Content
Any content submitted via e-mail or form submission shall become the
property of Drunkbastard.net. I also reserve the right to alter, modify,
or simply fucking delete anything sent in. Just because God gave you a
keyboard and an internet connection doesn't mean I really want any of the shit
you decide to send. I alone reserve the right to publish to this site, in
any form, anything sent to me. If you didn't want it posted, you shouldn't
have sent it. Conversely, if you send me something and it doesn't get
added, don't mope like a kid who got turned down for a date for the dance Friday
night.
Disclaimer of Liability
The International Association of Drunk Bastards does not promote, endorse,
or advocate any of the actions, products, or other content contained herein.
Any attempt to use, make, create, or destroy anything is wholly the
responsibility of the user and we're in no way liable. No, I'm serious. Don't
fucking call me at 3 a.m. asking me, "Who's responsible for me driving drunk?"
You are, you fucktard.
External Links – Some web pages may provide links to other Internet sites
for the convenience of users. Drunkbastard.net is not responsible for the
availability or content of these external sites, nor does Drunkbastard.net
endorse, warrant, or guarantee the products, services, or information described
or offered at these other Internet sites. I don't even want to endorse,
warrant, or guarantee the shit here, you think I want to worry about what's on
other peoples' plates? Fuck them. Users cannot assume that the external sites
will abide by the same Privacy Policy to which Drunkbastard.net adheres. You
get forty penis enlargement e-mails tomorrow, ain't my fault.
This site does not employ the use of pop-up advertisements or "cookies," although the webmaster has a fondness for Mallomars and could murder a box in about four minutes after a few potent bong hits. If during viewing any content on this site you encounter pop-up windows that are not directly related to Drunkbastard.net or any request for "cookies" or information from your system, then you have some shit running in the background on your computer. It has nothing to do with me. Trust me, I have enough problems dealing with my own life, I don't want any more information from you guys than you are willing to freely give. And I'm not sure that I want some of the free stuff, either. Really, the only information I really want from any visitor to this site is that they (a) are a female (b) with a penchant for performing sexual favors and (c) are on their way to my house. Outside of that, I'm pretty apathetic to anything you might have to say.
If any person, regardless of race, creed, color, national origin, sexual orientation, religious affiliation, or whatever, finds any page, part thereof, or sentence / sentence fragment thereof thereof in any way offensive, slanderous, or malicious, please feel free to go somewhere else. As in, go fuck yourself. I mean, there are only 13 TRILLION web domains out there. I personally don't have a problem with anyone based solely on their outward appearance, what deity they worship, or what they do with their genitalia in the privacy of their own home with a (or several) consenting adult(s). It's all just a fucking joke. Yeah, you don't like it when the joke's on you, too fucking bad, you can laugh at everyone else, but when the camera's on you, you get offended? You're all gonna end up dead sooner or later anyway, and that's the biggest joke of all. Stop being so offended by every little thing that touches upon your pathetically fragile and easily-bruised ego and go have a drink. It's you kind of fuckers that have made the world the shithole that it is in the first place. Stop being so serious about everything, you're not that fucking important, you represent one six-billionth of the world's opinion. Sometimes I wish there really was a Total Perspective Vortex. Where can I find a piece of fairy cake? (And anyone that can e-mail me and tell me where that's from, I will be really impressed. Doing a Google search on "Total Perspective Vortex" is cheating, and cheaters go to hell and burn burn BURN!!! So keep that in mind.)
Well, THAT was lovely, wasn't it? For those of you that are still reading, well, thanks for having a sense of humor.
Now that you're done reading this tripe, close the window. Drunkbastard-dot-net is underneath. Explore to your heart's content.
Only click here if, by some freak of nature, you
landed on this page without coming from the home page. Otherwise, you'll have
the website in two browser windows. Dummy.