Failure to read the aforementioned disclaimer
absolves the owner of this website from any responsibility for pissing off
anyone who reads the content of this site. Of course, the owner of this
site couldn't care less whether any single person, animal, group, entity, or
association is offended by anything in the first place. However, this gave
the owner something else to write. And he got to make another pretty
little graphic. And a chance to talk about himself in the third person,
therefore sounding slightly psychotic.
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13 November
All submissions (that you guys didn't totally fuck up) have been posted to their respective pages. If it wasn't posted, either I didn't get it or it sucked. Sorry, dude.
And sorry for not doing anything like original writing or anything, just been a very... very... VERY fucked-up, tumultuous, and stressful couple of months. And no, you can't help.
5 September
OK, so it may be a little lame to start, but the new page, "What The FUCK Is WRONG With You?" is up. I'm tired, so I didn't write much.
30 August
I've decided that I'm going to start writing more for the site. And considering I write these days about as often as George Bush pronounces "nuclear" correctly (should we give him the button if he can't even say the fuckin' word properly?), that means that I am going to start writing more than once every other month.
And I know I keep saying that I'm going to try and remodel the website, but DUDE, it's fucking huge. At last count there are 585 different pages. MySpace it ain't. More like MyMess. MyBigFuckinGiganticFuckinMess. Oh yeah, and thanks to the throngs of you that are now my "friends" on MySpace. All seventeen of you. There's a four-year old kid in Bangladesh with no arms who has more than that. Either no one comes to this site (possible, I haven't seen any webstats in three years, thanks Rusty...) or you guys don't have MySpace pages (bullshit, everyone has one) or you just... don't... **sniff** love me... It's the principle, dammit. Show a little loyalty. Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick.
So the new page will be up tomorrow. If I get the time. It would be great if this website generated enough income for me to work solely on it, but since I've made... let's see, carry the eleven, take the square root of... yeah, NOTHING, some of us have to hump beers and shots across the bar so daddy can have his toys.
And by the way, if you live in the metro Phoenix area, come by Handlebar J and say hi, you fuckers. It's in Scottsdale. Open a phone book. I'm there Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Monday nights. Bartending. Just in case you weren't sure.
22 May
The Drink Guide and Drunk Bastard Bar list have been updated. I am working on making the Bar list a little more reader-friendly, considering there are now over 400 bars on it. I'm sure you care about every fucking word I just said.
The number of times the word "FUCK" appears on this website (including the instance in this very sentence): 2357
24 April
I took down the WWKD? page. Seeing as all I was getting lately were fucking morons sending me links for online drugs.
23 April
I succumbed to the masses and now... have... a myspace account (excuse me, I just vomited into my own mouth). It's...
http://www.myspace.com/drunkbastarddotnet
Yeah, please, go see it. Because one website I really don't want to deal with wasn't enough, now I have two. Goodie...
15 April
I just got back from two days in LA. And as soon as I've fully recovered from it, I'll tell you all the details. Lots of drinking and eating. Lots. LOTS.
22 February 2007
OK, so I've been slacking for a few weeks. Everything is posted that you've sent in to me. If it's not up, I deleted it because it was fucking retarded. Deal with it.
15 October
I wanted to clear out my Outlook inbox, so I was forced to post everything to the site that you guys sent in. So, if you sent it and I got it, it's up.
6 September
It took two years, but there's a new assclown.
Sad thing is, I didn't enjoy this one. If anything, it proves that I am
just NOT a very nice person sometimes.
28 August
OK, shut the fuck up, I got the idea. I wrote something new in the "What a Fuckin' Week" section. Ya happy now? I had some down-time, so I thought I'd babble on and on and on andonandonandonand... sorry...
19 July
I've had this website for seven years. I've been doing the "Best Drunk Bastard Bar" page for almost that long. Can someone please explain to me how it took until NOW... TODAY... for someone to submit a bar from Ireland? Anyone? Please explain to me how a country full of some of the most prolific drunks ever to tip the wrist just NOW, almost 390 bars later, had a bar nominated?
Oh yeah, I updated all the shit you guys sent in. So stop yer bitchin'.
25 June
Everything sent in has been posted. I've been a very busy little boy, so you'll have to excuse me if I haven't been up to par on entertaining you.
27 May
Everything sent in is posted to the respective pages.
12 May
I don't know why, after all these years, that the average stupidity of the average human being still mystifies and astounds me. We are a race of people walking straight into a pit staring at a big red sign saying "STAY OUT OF THE PIT." We are a planet of people driving through the drive-thru nodding at the speaker. For instance, when I get dumbasses who send me links to free Viagra on the Guestbook page, I put up a paragraph telling them to stop wasting their - and my - time, because they're not going to be posted. And yet, ten times a day, the same dumb fucking assclowns do it with almost clocklike precision. Or, when I tell people to only submit once on the How Much To Fuck That page, and some asswipe submits fourteen fuckin' times. I hope you idiots gets assraped in prison. Sorry... my bad... GANG-assraped in prison.
Now, on with the show.
THE WEB'S LARGEST COLLECTION OF GOOD DRINKING QUOTES
Matt sent a bunch of Drinking Toasts, so I've added them.
New girls. If you wanna call 'em that.
9 May
GOD IS CALLING ME HOME
God spoke to me today and said that if I didn't get one million visitors by June 15th he would call me home. Please, tell everyone you know about the site. Get us one million visitors in the next five weeks. Don't let God kill me.
Fuck, it worked for Pat Robertson or Oral Roberts or whoever it was, and he was asking for money, all I want is web traffic.
6 May
BREAKING NEWS: RUSH LIMBAUGH SHUTS DOWN DRUNKBASTARD!
OK, now that I've said that, allow me to qualify that statement:
On Rush Limbaugh's radio show yesterday, he mentioned the website and the Hangover Page in specific. Two hours later the site went down from bandwidth usage. Which means we went through 10 gigs by 5 p.m. Eastern. Needless to say, I was impressed.
However, until further notice, the Weird Shit page is temporarily suspended. I can't put the shit back up until I figure out the traffic issues. Deal with it. You're adults. Right?
Oh, wanna hear what he said? Click here to listen to the entire piece.
2 May
Everything submitted has been posted. More Drunk Bastard Bars, more Drunk Bastard Drinks, more of What Would Kenny Do?
24 April
It's that time again - new double-X chromosome bipeds to be bargained for. I think I outdid myself with these creatures.
27 March
New, er, girls to vote on. Be gentle. They are all someone's children. Ah, fuck it. Take no mercy.
13 March
Everything has been updated.
5 March
Top pages for February in descending order (in case you actually care):
22 February
A couple of things for ya to nibble on: I found a couple of very old pages from about five years ago that I thought may be of some amusement.
THE JOB HUNT PAGE: My dismay at the business world
THE OTIS AWARD: An award we used to give for the drunkest bastard on the trip. These were some of the stories of people who won.
20 February
New trio up for voting.
13 February
I used to send these out with the Drunk Bastard Newsletter. However, since the Newsletter has gone the way of the pterodactyl, the dod bird, and Ashlee Simpson's career, I've decided to put them here. Just what I needed, one more fucking page on which to do regular upkeep.
12 February
I just wanted
to point out to the 40-something thousand people that have come to this site
since I took the reins in mid-December that you may feel free to donate.
As in money. Because if you think that web server space grows on trees,
you're wrong. So, just in case you've been wondering, "How can I show my
gratitude for everything The Drunk Bastard has done to make my life a richer and
sunnier place?" you can give us money. Web server space costs money.
Beer costs money. Hookers cost money.
The Nine Most Popular Pages Of The
Month (so far...)
From the most popular down
The rest of the log has been archived due to a lack of interest and relevance.
Yo, the content of this site, in whole or in part, is ©1999-2008 by The International Association of Drunk Bastards and Ken Stewart. Any reproduction, retransmission, or other use of the pictures and sound of this telecast without the express written consent of Major League Baseball is strictly prohibited. Violators will be subject to penalties including, but not limited to, having their baby pictures mailed to their friends, being flogged by a drunk Arabian dwarf with a rubber chicken, and being exposed on your mIRC/AOL chat room conversations as the pedophile you are. Unless you're in a pedophile chat room, then forget it - the last thing I want to do is give you free advertising. If you want to copy or link to any of the material in this site, fine, just give credit where credit is due. While all of the pictures and most of the text is in the public domain, I'd still like a little credit. I mean FUCK, I spend hours getting dumb fucking shit downloaded to me by the retards I call friends every day, sorting through pictures e-mailed to me of women the size of a Sedan DeVille and jokes older than my mother, scouring the internet looking for the best jokes, getting drunk every night to get you guys more stories, looking through countless websites looking for pics for the Girl of the Moment section... you think this shit is EASY?!? All I want is a little credit, is that so Goddamned hard? And maybe a roll in the hay with Brittany Daniel. Yeah, that wouldn't be bad. On second thought, I'll hereby forgo the whole credit and respect thing for the Brittany thing. I'm willing to compromise. Hey, I'm a modest guy.