What you will find on this page is news stories, weird websites, and a bunch of other shit. Usually what I do is send this stuff in e-mails to friends. If I find it funny, fucked up, both, or both and then some, it's here. Enjoy.
For a lot more stuff just like this, go see B.A.'s website.
I have no idea if all of these links work. If they don't, too bad. I can't control what these people keep on their servers and what they delete.
7 October 2006
Good, now we can all stop wondering where those “really whacky letter signs” come from. They come from nowhere…
http://ronaldmchummer.org/index.php
The best part is… this was an “elaborate plan.” To screw a corpse. An ELABORATE PLAN. How friggin’ elaborate did it have to be?
http://www.channel3000.com/news/9792536/detail.html
The question is: can I get John Holmes’ crank attached to me?
http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/story/0,,1874818,00.html
And why do I find this funny?
http://www.mytelus.com/news/article.do?pageID=oddities_home&articleID=2385173
Something to add to the “There’s no way I’d ever be that hungry” file…
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/from_our_own_correspondent/5371500.stm
Whatever happened to a simple lock of hair?
http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006420225,00.html
When Alfred Hitchcock meets reality…
http://www.nbc11.com/news/9946298/detail.html?rss=bay&psp=news
Just in time for Xmas…
http://www.assinthebox.com/sites/assinthebox/
This is when you know you have spent WAY too much time with the dog…
http://www.teambio.org/2006/09/jesus-image-found-in-dogs-butt/
If this is true, He’s taking his sweet-ass time making it happen in my little world…
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1533448-1,00.html
The #1 Xmas gift in Poland this year…
http://www.dvdrewinder.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=1
The greatest nugget of knowledge here is: girls fart more than boys. I knew it! Those friggin’ liars…
http://www.abc.net.au/spark/smelly/fartsurvey/default.htm
Then again, he could have five different girls at the same time… question is, how do you decide who gets the thumb?
http://spluch.blogspot.com/2006/10/out-on-limb.html
4 September 2006
This could be the world’s coolest wind chime…
http://ueba.net/hosted_pages/Suspended-Honda-F1-Car-20060730
This… well, let me show you one little “question” and you decide whether to go or not…
I see successful people and want to become like them. I understand that I spend most of my time in masturbation and that they don't and I am willing to take the action to overcome this habit once for all.
If you can’t get a hot nurse at the hospital to give you a tongue bath after this “ordeal,” just kill yourself…
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/5264566.stm
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm… heaven on a bun…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hamdog
Raspberry-flavored vodka… lemon flavored vodka… orange flavored vodka… but this?
http://forums.egullet.org/index.php?showtopic=91731
…but really, who can honestly say this has never happened to them? Well, the $3,500 notwithstanding…
http://www.nj.com/news/bridgeton/local/index.ssf?/base/news-6/115630622099920.xml&coll=10#continue
To meow or not to meow…
http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/tribunereview/news/westmoreland/s_467270.html
After my Motorola V60 incident, I can’t imagine why I wasn’t invited to this…
http://www.savonlinnafestivals.com/MMkuvat_05.htm
The subtitle of this article is “The cautionary tale of a janitor, his dildo, a rope and two Samoans.” Some things are just too good in life to make up…
http://www.ocweekly.com/news/news/das-booty/25716/?ref=nr/
15 things I’m not sure I wanted to know, either…
http://health.msn.com/centers/mensexualhealth/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100141786&wa=wsignin1.0
“Doc, everything tastes like shit…”
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1965833.html
13 August 2006
And I thought the Winnie The Pooh story could be disturbing…
http://www.avclub.com/content/node/51180/print/
And the award for “Coach Of The Year” goes to…
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/08/01/AR2006080101480.html
Good dog…
http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/Music/08/02/britain.elvisbear.ap/index.html
And he will probably win this lawsuit, too. Welcome to the American legal system. Depressing, eh?
http://www.oregonlive.com/news/oregonian/index.ssf?/base/news/11546547725210.xml&coll=7
I think I found a new club I wanna join…
http://www.chrisbeach.co.uk/viewQuotes.php
Just to prove that the U.S. government can still create cutting-edge web pages that look like they were designed by a retarded four-year-old with a Crayola…
http://www.fs.fed.us/r6/uma/urban/cale1b.htm
I want to use the words “monkeyface” and “pussy” for this one, and then say that I meant them both in a Puritanical fashion, but after watching the whole thing (twice), I’m not sure I can…
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/115338/inter_species_love/
Funny-ass poopie…
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mitch_Hedberg
Dude, this is the absolute coolest thing ever… well, maybe for a few seconds…
http://www.isoma.net/games/goggles.html
Redefining the term “unsafe sex”…
http://www.mg.co.za/articlepage.aspx?area=/breaking_news/other_news/&articleid=280199
Where can I find a copy of the videotape?
http://www.wishtv.com/Global/story.asp?S=5261849
1 August 2006
My ticket is already coming…
http://www.masturbate-a-thon.com/
I didn’t realize the word was used so much in the movie. So what was so bad about “Scarface”?
http://www.collegehumor.com/movies/1700131/
Our next elected official, probably…
http://www.jsonline.com/story/index.aspx?id=475638
I thought carrots were supposed to HELP eyesight…
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13922513/
When the names “Mr. Winkle” and “Beaver County” appear in the same article, you KNOW it can’t be good…
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/06171/699590-57.stm
The two Chinese guys from “Better Off Dead” are all grown up now…
http://en.ce.cn/National/pic-news/200607/22/t20060722_7828831.shtml
The award for “Best Drunkass Of The Year” goes to…
http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2006/07/21/1153166555650.html?from=top5
There goes half his sex life…
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/07/24/AR2006072401023.html
This is definitely for Ike…
http://youtube.com/watch?v=6A0rwG39Jzk
What else would you do except pop open a sudsie?
http://www.ntnews.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,7034,19901909%5E13569,00.html
Something tells me that someone needs to try a little decaf…
http://www.coastalview.com/center.asp?article=13417
I’m in awe…
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/5213238.stm
I now introduce the worst weapon ammunition ever. EVER…
http://www.tamponcrafts.com/gun.html
Meanwhile, Northwest Airlines introduces their new gourmet food service with their first item – baby chicken…
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2006/07/27/BAGDGK692C1.DTL
There’s a joke here. I just can’t find it…
http://www.press-citizen.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060727/NEWS01/607270318
“Naked Mafia”? What kind of things are they doing in camps these days? I mean, whatever happened to “Naked Ice Cream Truck Driver”?
http://www.tribune-democrat.com/local/local_story_210165721.html?keyword=topstory
19 July 2006
Hey, I got an idea… drive them into the jungle, open the doors, and let them out…
http://www.itv.com/news/index_1142569.html
Hamburger Helper helps her hamburger help her make a great meal…
http://www.ogrish.com/archives/woman_who_cooked_victim_appeals_sentence_Jul_02_2006.html
Rednecks in love…
Ah, lawyer mentality. By the same rationale, if I burn a nursing home down and save a few old people, I’m a hero, too, right?
http://freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060707/NEWS05/607070302
I’m pissed I missed the regionals at Squaw Valley, but there’s still time to book my flight for the World Championships. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
http://www.worldbeardchampionships.com/
Good thing they don’t know about the 10 year-old he squat-humped for not buying the magazine he was reading…
http://www.wyff4.com/news/9497589/detail.html#
I hope he uses the money for nothing good…
Wasn’t this a SNL skit? “Kill my landlord… C-I-L-L… my land…lord…”
http://www.ohio.com/mld/ohio/15019236.htm
One-way ticket to London, please… NOW…
http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006320112,00.html
$1,424. Someone bid on this. ONE THOUSAND, FOUR HUNDRED TWENTY-FOUR DOLLARS…
Most high school kids spend their entire 4-year career trying to get a picture like this published in the yearbook…
http://www.app.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060624/NEWS01/606240399/1004/NEWS01
25 June 2006
I could stare at this for hours… wait… I just did…
http://www.johnsadowski.com/big_spanish_castle.html
If he starts throwing feces and jerking off in public, I think he should go off the diet…
http://www.angryman.ca/monkey.html
Now if they could just brew a beer that will make them shut up for five minutes…
http://www.beveragedaily.com/news/ng.asp?n=68117-beer-czech-republic-functional
They should just go through my garbage can, they’ll find plenty… er, uh, I mean…
http://news.scotsman.com/scotland.cfm?id=826812006
Only in the Midwest…
http://www.local6.com/news/9341231/detail.html
When city planners smoke dope…
http://desmoinesregister.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060608/NEWS09/606080387/1001
Kill me now…
http://news.yahoo.com/s/fwd/20060608/en_fashion_fwd/kiss_rocks_on_with_new_fragrance_and_coffeehouse
Make them more attractive? Try some 409 and a paper towel…
http://www.bangkokpost.net/breaking_news/breakingnews.php?id=101912
Somewhere, a porno is being filmed based on this story…
Personally, I would have suggested “One Potato Two Potato”…
http://msnbc.msn.com/id/13221673/
Just when you thought it was safe to stay out of the water…
http://www.local6.com/news/9359763/detail.html
Ya know, looking at the picture, she just doesn’t strike me as the crack-smoking, attack-people-with-a-pooper-scooper kinda person…
http://www.jsonline.com/story/index.aspx?id=434814
If the boys are gonna be swingin’ around, what’s the point in wearing anything at all?
http://sacfree.com/index_m.html
Sounds like your average NY cab driver…
One extra-large pizza!pizza!, hold the maggots…
http://www.citizen-times.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060615/NEWS01/60614070/1149
Mmmmmmmmmmmm… how to make a Mickey D’s burger even more of a punch in the heart…
http://www.danamania.com/burger/
One RV you don’t want to take a trip in…
http://articles.news.aol.com/news/article.adp?id=20060615075009990034&cid=2194
To serve and protect…
http://www.sptimes.com/2006/06/19/Pasco/Clearwater_cop_accuse.shtml
Excuse me, I have to go look up “irony” in the dictionary…
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/274591_motorcycle20.html
Your state leaders tackling the really important issues…
“And she stole my drugs, too!”
http://www.lacrossetribune.com/articles/2006/06/22/news/1news22.txt
Dude… that’s not a tail…
4 June 2006
Finally, a politician who admits he has no idea what he is doing. Now if the rest of the dumb bastards would just fall in line…
http://www.wistv.com/Global/story.asp?S=4928287
Way to blend in, buddy…
http://www.cbc.ca/bc/story/bc_naked-robber20060518.html
Vaughn goes to Oklahoma…
http://www.local6.com/news/9264631/detail.html
How to make sure that the kids won’t be looking forward to another gift from you. Ever again…
Some call him the champ. I say, “Ha! Thirteen? Is THAT the best you could do?”
http://www.gazetteextra.com/doughnutcop052706.asp
Sales in the Midwest should be hefty…
OK… is anyone thinking what I’m thinking? More like “Homo Ghost”…
http://www.oddballcomics.com/covers/homerghost.jpg
You would think she would have chosen a profession that didn’t involve her handling those long, thick hoses… (yes, that was a penis reference)
http://citypages.com/databank/27/1330/article14400.asp
I… I just don’t know what to say…
http://www.wcpo.com/news/2006/local/05/26/vampire.html
There HAS to be a better way to prove one’s fidelity…
http://www.local6.com/news/9296381/detail.html
Dammit, this guy stole my idea…
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060530/ap_on_fe_st/flare_gun_arrest
Michael Jackson now has a political party to which he can relate…
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/5038682.stm
Dude, this has got to be some scam on the part of the guys. And, uh, how do I get in on it?
http://menstuff.org/issues/byissue/sleepsex.html
23 May 2006
Maybe they had a fetish for non-opposable thumbs…
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/05/17/AR2006051702158.html
Maybe the dog thought the kid was a ball or a stick…
http://www.denverpost.com/news/ci_3830657
Personally, mine’s in cornrows. With beads…
