The International Association of Drunk Bastards will not sell your e-mail address, your images, or your pet to any entity, because forty-seven other websites already have.  As a matter of fact, your picture is already posted on www.kiddieporn.com as their "Whack-Off King Of The Month" winner.  By the way, you look like you need a haircut.

We reserve the right to publish on our site any item sent to us, including but not limited to e-mail text, pictures, video files, and your underwear, especially if it is compromising, inflammatory, or twisted in some way.  If you send us something to be posted in one of the sections on this website and do not want your name published, please tell us.  Otherwise, you're fair game.

We will not install video cameras in your bedroom, inside your toilet, or in your panties.  Furthermore, any and all video images received from said non-existent cameras will not be sold to 12 year old boys using their parents' Visa card for $9.95 on CD-ROM.  We will not go through your mailbox, your e-mail client, your garbage, or your underwear drawer and post what we find.  To be perfectly honest, no one gives a shit about what's in your mailbox (oh look, another credit card offer) or your e-mail (FW: LOOK AT THIS 12 YEAR OLD GIRL!  HOT!!!!!! - well, maybe SOMEONE would be interested in that...)  I take that back, maybe your wife/girlfriend/significant other (or the gender opposites thereof) would be interested in that e-mail you got from that 17 year old girl you met in "M looking for affair" room on AOL at 4 am.  But I don't have to tell her, because she (he) already knows, and is happy, because now she (he) can do anything she (he) wants and be justified.  Like, say, fucking your best friend.

Your privacy is of the utmost importance to us.  Well, not really, but I always wanted to say that.  To be honest, once you connect to the internet, you have as much privacy as Cindy Crawford on a nudist beach during a helicopter pilot convention.  Microsoft Internet Explorer has more holes than the U.S. women's soccer team, not to mention the well-known vulnerabilities of other programs sitting on your computer that can be accessed by any 14 year old with the rudimentary skills needed to do so.  Remember that little oopsie that came out about Excel a few years back?  The one where it didn't even need to be running, and someone could anally rape your hard drive through Excel while you were scanning through The Hun looking for some fake Anna Kournikova nude pictures?  Well, it didn't stop there.  But don't take my word for it.  Look on Microsoft's download site, there are more security patches and fixes than you can imagine, and the hits just keep on coming.

So yeah, I regard your privacy as much as anyone else on the binary cesspool that we call the World Wide Web.  By the way, look at all the porn in your Temporary Internet Folder - where do you think THESE came from?