4 February 2006

To Muslims around the globe:  Go fuck yourselves.

That's right, I've lumped every single follower of the faith into one callous remark.  Drop dead.  The latest in a long and seemingly never-ending list of problems that you as a faith have caused the world is your reactions to cartoons depicting Mohammad (or however you want to spell it) in a terrorist bent.  Now, you may not like it, but that's too fucking Goddamned bad.  When you pieces of shit prove, as a collective group, that you can go 24 fucking hours without blowing yourselves and everyone around you up on a bus, calling for the elimination of some country or another, shooting crippled cruise ship passengers, hijacking planes, or killing tens, hundreds, or thousands of people, and maybe, just MAYBE, we'll stop depicting you as a group of mass murderers.  Just go one day without shooting, bombing, kidnapping, or torturing someone in the name of your faith, and we'll be nice and stop running cartoons.  Try spending an afternoon playing with a dog instead of subjecting it to nerve gas tests and videotaping them, and maybe we'll reciprocate in kind.

Until that day comes, until you can peacefully co-exist with the rest of the world and not think that anyone who does not embrace the tenets of Islam deserves to die, then you will be branded en masse as a bunch of terrorists.  I can't think of a better way to try and dispel the "stereotypes" put forth by a European cartoonist than to do they very fucking things depicted in the cartoons.  What a better, more rational way to react to the situation than storm offices with guns.

Now, many of you wearing-your-laundry-on-your-head motherfuckers may say, "Well, if it was bin Laden or al-Zarqawi being depicted as such, we wouldn't have a problem."  Bullshit.  You always find problems.  You look for problems where there are no problems.  Every fanatical militant Muslim cocksucker is so ready to quote the Quran and the teachings of Mohammad at every turn, the two become indistinguishable.  Try this:  put down the gun, pull the detonator out of the bomb jacket you're planning on walking into a cafe with, and go play a game.  Smell a flower.  Walk along a beach.  Or, maybe go take a walk in lower Manhattan and look at that nice hole in the ground created by people claiming to be following Mohammad, the Quran, and the tenets of Islam.  Go ride a train in Madrid or take the Tube in London and see where your "peace-loving" brethren blew up trains.  Book a cruise on the Achille Lauro, or maybe call the Klinghoffer family and say you want to know how everything is going.  Maybe next time the U.S.S. Cole goes sailing by, you can try and discern where the ship was bombed.  Buy a ticket to "Munich" by Steven Spielberg, or maybe take a more proactive bent and plan a trip to Entebbe Airport.  And no, not every Muslim the world over embraces violence, but you are in bed with them, and you do nothing to stop your kind, and that makes you guilty by association.  Not fair, maybe, but too fucking bad.  There are about 2,800 graves in the area where I live full of the bodies of people killed by 19 piece of shit Muslim fuckbricks who were simply "guilty by association" because they just happened to be Americans, or on American soil.

Look, it's not our fault that you've chosen to live in a rather inhospitable part of this rock, or that since the bottom fell out of the dust and desolation market most of you have had to resort to eating insects for sustenance.  Or that you are seemingly a religion so full of hatred and contempt for just about every other group on the planet that you think Semtex and AK-47s are religious icons.  I mean, it's really too bad that you sit your terrorist garbage asses on one of the most valuable resources on the planet, resources that net billions upon billions of "evil Western imperialist" dollars every year.  And it's really too bad that the people in control of those resources don't let you suckle off their teat made fat by the sale of oil.  The sultan of Brunei has more money than most people could possibly imagine, yet 99 percent of you live in squalor.  Really, I am weeping for you.  If you were all so disgusted by the tenets of "western capitalism and imperialism," you should behead the people controlling the oil fields and take their fucking money.  Then maybe you could move out of that one-bedroom hole under a rock into a very plush and comfortable two-bedroom hole under a rock closer to the river.  I'm sure that the people in charge of OPEC have absolutely no problem with taking "western Imperialist bully" money and not sharing it with the rest of you.  That, my rather malodorous friend, is the very capitalism that you abhor.

I'll make you cocksuckers a deal:  if every single last smelly, unshaven one of you stops blowing up / shooting / kidnapping / flying airplanes into people, then I will talk really really nice about you from now on.  Stop beheading journalists, construction workers, et. al. on video for al-Jazeera - or, for that matter, at all - and I'll tell as many people that will listen to show more compassion for you.  Leave the roadside bombs disassembled, and I'll stop hating you pieces of human garbage.  How does THAT sound?  You, as a people and a religion, have shown great propensity over the last five thousand fucking years for violence and hatred unparalleled in history.  Even Stalin, Hitler, Idi Amin, Pinochet, and the rest of the gang burned out after a few years or decades.  You, however, have never let up.  You find new and exciting ways of making the lowlight reel on the six o'clock news.  You give every non-Muslim in the world cause to despise you every single day.

Fuck all of you.