19 June 2002

From the "Human Excrement of the Decade" Award...

ESPN.com news services

SAN FRANCISCO -- In the wake of the latest pitcher to throw near him -- Tampa Bay's Travis Harper, who buzzed Barry Bonds on Tuesday night -- Bonds says he'll take matters into his own hands.

"If our pitchers ain't going to do it, I'll defend myself," Bonds told the San Francisco Chronicle after Tuesday's 8-3 loss to Tampa Bay. Harper threw a fastball behind Bonds' knees, nearly hitting him.

Asked if he felt that Giants pitchers weren't protecting him enough, Bonds told the Chronicle: "Ask them."

Said one Giants pitcher to the newspaper: "Is that what he said?" before walking away.

Said another: "I don't care what he said."

Harper hit the Giants' Marvin Benard to start the ninth inning. Two batters later, he threw a 1-2 fastball that forced Bonds to move forward to get out of the way.

Bonds walked slowly toward the mound, pointing his finger at Harper. Both benches emptied but there was no further incident.

Bonds has been hit by pitches six times this season.

"I just had a lot of buildup. That's all," Bonds said later. "Too many balls have been thrown at me in one year, and that's enough. I just couldn't take it anymore. It probably wasn't an intentional pitch. When balls get thrown at you quite a bit, eventually you're going to get upset.

The most notorious incident came two weeks ago, when Roger Clemens said he planned to ''introduce'' himself to the large protective plate Bonds wears on his right elbow. Clemens then hit Bonds on the elbow during San Francisco's interleague showdown with the Yankees.

''I'm not like that usually, but I couldn't take it anymore,'' Bonds said. ''It probably wasn't an intentional pitch. I know (Devil Rays manager Hal) McRae, but when that many balls get thrown at you, you get upset. I'm not allowing people to throw darts at me. That's all. I just snapped.''

The day after the incident, the Giants closed ranks about the subject on the orders of manager Dusty Baker.

''We're going to keep it in-house,'' Baker said repeatedly before Wednesday night's game against the Devil Rays. ''That's really all that's going on.''

Pitching coach Dave Righetti understandably might have been irked by Bonds' comments, which seemed to question the loyalty of Bonds' teammates, but Righetti wouldn't say so.

''I thought about it last night, but I didn't want to say anything until I'd had a chance to think about it,'' Righetti said. ''No matter what I say about it is going to end up being negative for the team. I guess it's just kind of no comment. I care about my job, and I care about the organization.

''It's just one of those things that I want to keep in-house.''

Several Giants pitchers also declined comment.

Bonds has made similar complaints in previous seasons, but his most recent comments were an unusual insight into a murky slice of baseball culture.

Allow me to expound on the situation.

Barry Bonds, son of Bobby Bonds, has a problem that his teammates, people that he has made a habit of alienating since his days in college at Arizona State University, won't "defend" him or "retaliate" for him in the year 2002.  Barry, at the (almost) age of 38 feels that, despite his years and well-proven track record of alienating fans and teammates alike, he should be treated as "just one of the guys" and "an equal" when it comes to someone throwing inside on him while he stands almost on top of home plate with his body armor on.

Oh, and I made the reference "son of Bobby Bonds" because, like daddy Bobby, son Barry is an asshole as well.  Apparently, the "apple doesn't fall far from the tree" adage holds true in this situation.

Hey Barry:  FUCK YOU.

I say this for several reasons:

(1)  Barry, even since his days at ASU, was NEVER a "team guy."  He made it quite clear that he thought he was better than everyone else;
(2)  Barry has never even attempted, in even the most glancing way, to form a bond with his fans.  When he is in Scottsdale for spring training, he makes sure that no one talks to him.  This has gone back for years, not just recently (see his 2001 breaking of McGwire's record.)  No one that has ever met him on a personal level likes him. I take that back - I know one person who "connected" with Bonds, but he is more shallow that a flea's urine puddle;
(3)  His own fucking TEAMMATES hate his guts.  That's what the article above was supposed to prove.  NO ONE (except for MAYBE Dusty Baker, and fuck him) likes the asshole.

Barry Bonds is well on his way to becoming the Ty Cobb of the 21st century.  He'll make it to the Hall Of Fame.  He'll probably get voted in on the first ballot.  No one will let him in to the "after-party."  And he'll die with three people at his funeral.

Which begs the question:  What if a man gained the whole world, and lost his soul?  What if you were so revered in your profession, but had no one to share the elation of being so great?  When the strike of '94 hit, ol' "family man" Barry went to court to argue that he couldn't pay his child support, even though he was under a $10 million (for those of you numerically challenged, that is TEN MILLION DOLLARS) a year contract.  Did anyone notice that, last year as he was on a pace to break McGwire's record (oh, in the last year of his contract, how opportune), his "I can't afford to pay for him" kid was his bat boy a la McGwire in 1998?  Did anyone notice the rising sentiment throughout fans of baseball that no one (apart from clueless Giants fans) wanted him to break the record?  Has anyone noticed that Barry's entire career has focused on Barry, circumstances be damned?  Look at his post-season stats:  he has a slightly (and I do mean SLIGHTLY) better average than me.  And I have NEVER played in the major league post-season.  When his career stats are on the line, he hits, and when it comes time for the team, he sits in his personal leather recliner, faced away from everyone else, and... well, probably whacks off to last year's highlights of his home runs.

barry bonds (I refuse, from here on out, to justify his name by using capital letters) is the "Georgia Peach" of our millennium.  Actually, he may surpass Ty Cobb in the "most loathed individual in his own sport" award.  Only time will tell.

But wait!  As if King Barry didn't sound like ENOUGH of a fuckhead with THAT little snippet, CHECK THIS SHIT OUT!